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« Pondering: When Will BW Learn--RECIPROCITY? | Main

January 14, 2010


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I may sound really old but I never thought I would live to see the day that a white person would be homecoming queen at a HBCU. I would say I have heard all but I know better. I have said this before this event. I am absolutely speechless.


Pamela, of course many will argue that some predominantly white colleges (I think Mississippi State, for ex.) are choosing black homecoming queens, but this is why we have to look at the power structure and the symbolic weight of these decisions. If a white college in Podunk chooses a black queen, that's very different than a black Ivy League school or any HBCU choosing a white queen--due to the immense difference in the POWER, resources, and influence of whites and AAs.

However, to many blacks, these two instances are the same.

If this win was based on OBJECTIVE measures, I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. For ex, when a wm became valedictorian of Morehouse last year, you didn't hear a peep out of me. It's these "subjective" wins that make me very suspicious.


@ Evia, Good Post as usual.

I am not surprised by the "new age" queen. Since the student body did not vote for their queen then I believe the voting was more for integration purposes. Show the world that Hampton is different from other HBCU's. And, as you say most white institutions have in place barriers so that the majority of whites will still be in control. What is so hard to understand about that?

I attend an HBCU and more and more White and Asian students are choosing to go to school here...it's less expensive. This month we no longer have an open enrollment; therefore, many AA's will not get into this or any other University. The other race students are also joining the few clubs that are on campus and so far I have not heard of any racial problems.
Also, there are more White, Asian and African faculty and staff being hired. I sometimes jokingly say that one day it will be hard to locate a native AA New Orleanian on this campus. Things are changing so fast and it really bugs me that we are still trying to block each other. We pay little attention to the other races; but, we will "knock" the heck out of each other. This is why I agree with alot of what you write.


Today at lunch I was speaking with three AA women and one of the women have two daughters who are educated and attractive. One is 36 yrs. old and I am not sure of the other daughter's age. Their Mother complained that she wanted grand-children. Of course, I eventually brought up dating/marrying out. She said that she does not have a problem with her daughters marrying out; however, her husband may have a problem.
Ironically, my co-worker's sister is married to a wm and their daughter is married to a white doctor. So, I supposed my co-worker was trying to tell me that I do not have to convince her because both her sister and her niece are living very well. "...living well", her words not mine.

I told her that she should go and remind her daughters that they should not worry about what other people think and that they need to make a life for themselves. I also bought up your site and how time is running out for them to have children. Before the 36 yr. old knows it she will be 40 years old still waiting for that ibm and I am more than sure that is what she is doing.
If Dad is not on board I am sorry to say- too bad for him.

LOL, another one of my co-workers bought up the subject that some women in their 50's are having children. This is coming from a woman who has two educated, attractive and single daughters and she too was complainting about how difficult it is for her daughters to locate the "right" type of man. We are all aware of the problems that can happened to a more mature Mother and her child.



Ann, maybe I misunderstood what the MISSION/AIM of the HBCUs is, and in that case, I stand corrected. If it's been publicized that your aim is to reach CA and I send my child to you because I want my child to go to CA, then that's one thing. If you say that your aim is to go to CA and you then go to FL without publicizing that you've switched directions, then that's what causes this kind of confusion.

Or maybe I'm the one that didn't hear what the new mission/aim is. I'm still going by what I "thought" the mission was.

BTW, I would never send my child to an HBCU anyway--because I'm from down South and I know how massive the colorism is in most of those HBCUs. I know I harp a lot re colorism, but I absolutely HATE it! I think my hatred of colorism is because some of the black people (women and men) who've been the most wonderful to me throughout my life have been very dark skinned. I will fight to the death and beyond defending and trying to uplift darker skinned bw, for that reason, if no other. That's just me.

Anyway, the issues with AAs are just too many, and AAs do not know how to communicate with each other well enough to resolve many of their issues. SMH

Re your comment about those bw waiting for their "Mr. Right Black Man," one thing for sure is that if any organism does not adapt to changed conditions, it's doomed--unless it has the power to change those conditions. So, every AA woman needs to ask herself whether she has the power to change the conditions, and if she concludes that she does, then I think she should continue "waiting." On the other hand, if she concludes that she doesn't have that power, she'd better just MOVE ON (if she wants marriage) by positioning herself EARLY to be around higher quality men. If she doesn't, then I want her to keep the heck away from me with her anger, depression, whining, and general bitterness later on.

So what will be, will be.


"Whites control Western civilization through their institutions (media, law enforcement, education, military, finance, etc.) Sensible people who plan to thrive are not going to fight to acquire, set up, and maintain institutions and then hand over control of those institutions to other people."



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I could go on and on but you get the picture. Other groups outside of African-Americans have a built in system to promote the beauty and desirability of women of their groups. Because they rightly and instinctually know that the condition, mental, and emotional state of it's women is DIRECTLY related to the condition of the GROUP. They (unlike African-Americans) are interested in SELF preservation FIRST and foremost. That's why ALL other women OUTSIDE of the African-American construct (not community) enjoy higher marriage rates and father participation with their young. Because these other cultures hold their women (thus their group as a whole) in higher esteem.

"It appears to me that most whites and most people among other groups AND most men are socialized to promote and protect their interests 'first and foremost' and they do it automatically. Most people who have any pride, self-esteem, and plan to thrive are going to do that."

Right. That's why those individual BW who still have any pride, self-esteem, and who are determined to thrive are going to have to gravitate to those men REGARDLESS of "race" who is willing to promote and protect HER interests and those of any resulting children preferably born within wedlock.

"Blacks in the past worked hard to get those HBCUs. That was a part of the resources that they were due. But if they're going lay back and allow highly important symbolic perks like Homecoming Queen to go to nonblacks, then what exactly is the purpose of an HBCU???? Why should blacks even push to put blacks in high places or in charge of anything?"

First of all BW need to avoid HBCU's like the PLAGUE for a number of reasons. Including a growing number of HIV positive down low BM attending them.


Black women need to ONLY push those - again, regardless of "race" - who are willing to reciprocate fully.


I absolutely agree with the statement about HBCU'S switching directions. If the HBCU's have switched directions why haven't the various schools made it known? Maybe such a statement would upset many AA's or contributions may suffer. I really do not know the answer.

"Or maybe I'm the one that didn't hear what the new mission/aim is. I'm still going by what I "thought" the mission was."...Evia

Present company excluded...I think that is one of the problems with some AA's is that we are not dissimulating vital information. Some of us hold on to information that could benefit other AA people or we give the information to a select few. This type of selfish behavior have been going on for decades. No, I am not saying all.

When my school advertises on tv one will see an Asian and a white female in the commercials. The aw who now works on campus and is doing very well financially; but, that's another story.

After reading some of your reasons for not wanting your children to go to an HBCU, I can agree with you. I have also noticed that the majority of our faculty and staff's children do not attend this university. Why? Do they know something that the average AA's do not know? Their children usually attend a more diverse university or an Ivy league type of school. It is like a game is being played and most AA do not realize it.

I agree with your comment about the anger, depression, etc. People who feel disenfranchise will become upset and no one wants to be around unhappy people. Ladies keep moving upwards.


After Katrina, I had worked a few months at one of our "sister" schools a two year HBCU and one of the bw students told me that a friend of hers was one point from entering the nursing program and a ww was three or four points from entering the program, guess who got in.

Also, on this majority blk campus I kept seeing 6 or 8 wht students walking around in uniforms. I finally asked someone who were those people and someone said they were in a medical program. There was not one blk. person in the program. I was and still am shocked that not one black person was in the program. And, one bw told me well blks. do not want to go to school. Who is failing whom? This would never have happened at a majority white, Asian or Hispanic school.

Yes, we are simply giving away our resources. Some of us AA's always want to show other races how nice and giving we are with little reciprocity. Reciprocity is my new favorite word.


Thanks, Felicia! Obviously ANY group and ANY person should choose VERY carefully who they give their resources (time, money, energy, support, etc.) to and this is why other groups make sure to give the resources (perks, opportunities, etc.) to their own FIRST. And there are ALWAYS strings attached or RECIPROCITY is clearly expected. They make sure that recipients know that they must give back to them or their group. Or else! But this is actually a very dead horse.

I'm ONLY interested now in helping the AA women who are in my segment. I, personally, don't want to hear about the rest. I only want to help alla my small segment because I personally lack the time and energy to help the rest. However, some of y'all may feel you can help a bigger chunk, but I know my limits.

Ann, the bulk of AAs absolutely don't know about the switch in the HBCU's mission because NONE of the HBCUs would ever allow that to circulate; therefore many AAs continue to give to the HBCUs through the UNCF and other conduits, thinking that their money is going to help an AA black child who is a descendant of slaves. SMH

And to look at it from another angle, many AA youth and adults are ANTI-INTELLECTUAL. Many AA youth are NOT motivated to excel academically; they just want to make lots of money. AAs as a group do not have any common destiny in mind. They don't think in terms of the common goal of using their intellect to "move on up" or evolve together as a group. AA "leaders" at any level NEVER talk about the lack of common goals of AAs as a group. However, the bulk of people in other groups DO want to evolve together.

From speaking to my black educator friends, many of them are exhausted with trying to do virtual "tap dances" in the classrooms to get or keep the students interested in their school work. The overwhelming portion of AA youth & adults are addicted to all of this stupid stuff in the media, gameboys, X-boxes, ridiculous haircuts/styles (males & females), sagging pants (males), multiple earrings (males), tatoos (males & females), pumping iron so that they can flex their muscles instead of their brains (males), sports, talking "black love" but sexing light/white women (males), and other types of the most vapid types of superficiality, etc.

Most youth of ALL groups are caught up in silly stuff, but the difference I've noticed is that when youth of other groups become adults and get older, they become MUCH more serious; however, many AAs are like perpetual children, at all ages--even in their 40s, 50s, and 60s! They don't seem to ever get serious; they remain focused on silly, superficial stuff, with barely any growth in their intellect. I want y'all to observe that.

I actually do dumb-down what I say to many AA adults because otherwise they'll accuse me of thinking "too much." LOL! This has happened a lot to me in my life; it happened the last time about 10 days ago.

However, many of them continue to be mad at 'de evil wm.' That anger stunts the growth of AAs in so many ways because so much of the energy and other resources of AAs is invested into this anger and demonizing whites. LAWDY! It's just amazing.

For ex., I'm going to church this morning and I already know that the bm minister is going to tie the Haitian tragedy to 'de evil wm.' LOL! Of course, he doesn't realize how he's stunting the growth of the people there because his growth was stunted in the same way. SMH And there's no point in trying to get AAs to look at this anger situation differently because if you or I try to do that, then they will turn on us, label us as "traitors" and try to burn us alive. So I keep my mouth shut because I'm not sinking with them and their children. So the bulk of AAs are already gone.

This is why my children do NOT go to that church, just as you said that the children of the HBCU higher-ups don't attend the HBCUs. LOL! The mindset of too many AAs is simply rigid, non-creative, and non-progressive.

Anyway,thanks for commenting, y'all, but I don't see the point in going on and on with this same-ole, same-ole discussion. This is why I've closed the comments section on my essays in general. I write the essays mainly because I'm just documenting. If y'all have articles and such that you want discussed, you should send them to other bloggers who have an "open comments" policy.

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