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« Pondering: Giving a Pass to Black Men who Brutalize Black Women | Main | Pondering: Black Teens View of Black Marriage »

December 05, 2008

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Pamela

As I was reading it I wonder how many of these women married these men because of the contract vs. really taking time to vet these men before they married. If they did not vet these men, stress is probably causing a lot of their health issues. That would have interesting to delve into a little more.

Evia

"I wonder how many of these women married these men because of the contract vs. really taking time to vet these men before they married. If they did not vet these men, stress is probably causing a lot of their health issues."


Exactly, Pamela! I was talking to a friend on the phone this morning about the connection between ongoing stress and illness. A lot of bw carry a high degree of stress around with them ALL of the time. And like you said, I'd bet a big chunk of these bw "settled" and just married the best they thought they could because they couldn't conceive of looking outside the group/race for a mate. No one had given them the **permission** to do that. LOL!

Some of these bad relationships result from either or both partners not having a repertoire of relational skills to resolve certain issues, but then again many men and women are unwilling or unable to go beyond a certain point in communicating. They place the burden of the relationship on the other person and they're not willing to do anything more. Partners in a successful marriage must be equally vested in making the marriage successful. They must keep working at it and feel it's worth it.

Mary

Wow, that's so so so sad, geez. that is so sad. is there ever going to be relief for bw (especially for these poor AA women). seriously, i can't even deny it anymore, the abuse and selfishness AA men heap on AA women makes me literally hate them. i can't deny it anymore. marriage is an institution where women around the world KNOW they have someone to rely on, can many married AA women even say that. i am a person that believes that fairness is very important(i even treat children with consideration) because i truly believe in the saying "treat others how you want to be treat". bm from my observations are just way too selfish with a serious case of entitlement. even the 'good' ones have entitlement issues, and i've observed this a lot. it's like they're special cause they went to school (WT#!!!). i always contrast their behaviors with the behaviors of HIGHLY educated wm. these highly educated WM are usually so humble and NORMAL, meanwhile some bm will LITERALLY not finish a conversation without saying "i'm an educated bm". i seriously want to move to a country where i don't have to look at bm anymore cause i am so TIRED of seeing TIRED,STRUGGLING, UNHAPPY BW (most of the time a result of bm's handy work), i'm so tired of it. it's like the norm for bw to struggle instead of being happy and 'light' as other women are

Felicia

Mary,

The ONLY thing you have to concentrate yourself on is NOT being in this category.

Make a vow to yourself to NOT be apart of the norm.

Really, the information is out there. BW interested in saving themselves from this needless misery, and it IS needless because there are plenty of BW who CHOOSE to live well - and can't identify AT ALL with these suffering sistas and what motivates them to stay on the Titanic when they don't have to - are going to have to do WHATEVER it takes to LIVE WELL.

And if that means cutting certain folks - whoever they are - OUT of your life, so be it.

You've got to be CUT THROAT out there if you intend to live well.

Many black folks consider a survival of the fittest mindset "cold" or "unemotional" but it's a fact of life.

And you can certainly see it in the area of relationships.

Point is, this is all just information posted at this blog intended to HELP black women make the BEST decisions in their lives.

It's not meant to make BW feel worse.

KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. ALL BW can use knowledge - whatever that knowledge is - to their BENEFIT if they're smart.

What ALL of those married BW in the study have in common is that they were ALL married to BM.

But that's not explicitly stated. However, read between the lines...

"Race" is NEVER enough to keep a marriage together and keep it strong.

YET, "black love" proponents claim as much.

We'll it's NOT.

Choosing the BEST, least sexist, most suitable, responsible, intelligent, family oriented, and non color-struck man from the global village REGARDLESS OF "RACE" REDUCES the chance of winding up like these poor sistas mentioned in the study.


Mary

thank you Felicia for your strong, kind words, i don't know why i like to throw myself pity parties over the condition of bw everywhere. it's just so sad and unfair that bw everywhere are suffering so much. but believe me, i'm a true believer in the fact that life is not fair. it is amazing the number of bw out there who believe in fairness and 'doing the right thing' aka giving to all but yourself. sometimes in life you do have to be 'cut throat' and selfish (we are animals after all). white folks didn't get to be where they are by being un-cut throat so it truly baffles me why a majority of blacks think they have to be the 'bigger people'. this has gotten them no where, especially bw

you know how some black folks say that they're 'keeping it real' when they're actually NOT doing so. well, this is what i like about Evia, you and Sara, yall seriously 'keep it real'.

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