Romance: Junia's Story--A Budding Romance

A couple of months ago, I posted a note on my Ezine from a very puzzled young bw, Junia, who had been labeled as **acting white" and rejected by her young black peers because she was studious, behaved with decorum, spoke properly, was motivated to achieve, wanted to get married one day, etc.

Junia is also the young woman who sent me the link to the Youtube video that focused on a Bw#1 who launched a verbal beatdown on a Bw#2 who'd said she had a highly enjoyable sexual experience with a **gasp** white man. Subsequently, Bw#2 withdrew her video from Youtube because of the hellish fury directed at her for admitting to that enjoyable experience.

I was sad for Junia because of what she was enduring at the hands of the AB ("acting" black) crew. For those who don't know who or what the AB crew is: the AB crew is an ever-increasing segment of AAs who have either lost touch with or never had any idea of what being an regular, decent black person means, so instead they put on frequent displays of loud (in manner and dress), crude, undisciplined, and often obnoxious behavior and generally subscribe to a counter-productive,  impulse-ridden, counter-societal, and frequently suicidal, nihilistic value system. Since they don't know what being an authentic, decent black person is or of being an authentic person of any type, they spend lots of time "acting" the way they **think** a black person acts. They learn or get their script for "acting" black from from black stereotypes onTV, in movies, music, and from others among their confused and damaged peers as well as community and church members. I have observed people in the AB crew to range in age from 2-80.

Back to Junia--I received this note from her yesterday. Considering what she'd experienced with the ABs and considering what's going on the popular culture with so many AAs, she'd been wondering whether she was likely to meet a loving and lovable Quality man for marriage since she's found the behavior of many young AA males to be repulsive.

Junia said:

I have only dated one Black man in my life but I am not completely opposed to it. I mostly just date white men. Anyway, a young woman named _______ is studying in a lot of the same classes as me in SIPA (School of International and Public Affaris, at Columbia Univ.). She is from Germany, and I took some German and high school (easier to learn and remember because of the germanic roots it shares with English) so we became friends. Her older brother ______ was visiting her from Germany about two months ago for a week long business conference in NYC. He works for a large German company which is ranked #4 by Forbes for largest German companies. And let me just say that German is an extremely useful language if you would like to go into business, technological or chemical fields in case your children were interested in learning German, or even you yourself. Lol

Anyway, ________ is an extremely large international telecomunications company, and it also owns T-mobile. When my friend's brother came into town, she invited me out to lunch with her, her boyfriend and her brother. I was completely taken by him. He was very tall, 6'4 (perfect for me, I am 5'9), and in great shape with light blonde hair and clear blue eyes. He was such a gentleman and so much fun to talk to. He speaks French & English as well as his native language so I was able to talk to him in French as well (because I speak fluent French). He was so intelligent and he invited me to breakfast the next morning, so I met him at his hotel--the Ritz Carlton (compliments of his job) and we went walking through the city. We pretty much spent the rest of the week together after that and it was so heartbreaking to see him go.

We still email each other almost everyday and I am going to France in two weeks for an extended period of time so I will be able to see him often and he has promised to give me a tour of Germany and introduce me to his parents who live in Dusseldorf. My only complaint is that he is twenty-six and soon to be twenty-seven and I just four months ago turned twenty. But I would absolutely move to Germany if there was a chance of marriage between us. It would not interfere with my job because one of my majors is International Relations (I'm a double major) so I can live just about anywhere. It seems so soon, but I have dated many many white men and _______ and I have such a strong connection. We have the same beliefs and are both financially stable. ______ makes about €150,000 and as he moves up will make much more, and we both agree that we want five children and for them to be raised internationally and speak multiple languages. So I am hoping that when I go to France it will determine how things are going to turn out between us.

I must say that I would reccomend European men to any woman; they are true gentlemen (for the most part). I will keep you updated on the situation between me and _______ and will read the romance blog for more stories like me and him.

_____________

Junia, this is such a wonderful opportunity for you!!  The difference in your ages may seem too much to you now, but he's not really much older than you as the two of you get older.  My first husband was 5 years older than me, and I didn't pause.  I think that the two of you are simply at different stages of your life:--you're just starting college and he's establishing himself in his career, but in a few years, that won't matter AT ALL.

I'm SO impressed by how you're vetting him, in terms of your shared values & goals, his emotional suitability, mental makeup, and his ability to provide for a family of 5 children!!  I know you will continue to vet him as you spend more time with him.  Remember that the purpose of dating him is to determine whether he is who he seems to be and whether he's the Quality man you seek.

And since you'll be in Europe anyway, make the best use of the time there to scout out the territory for other possible candidates. IMO, the search is not over until the I-do's are exchanged. LOL!

10/28/08--PLEASE SEE UPDATE on this story HERE

Comments

[Ann F.]

@Junia you are very bright for a 20 yr. old. Do continue your education. And, I agree with Evia. Keep your eyes open while in Europe just in case. Your search is not over until the I Dos are said.

[Aphrodite]

This is wonderful news Junia! Good work. Enjoy yourself. :)

[pioneervalleywoman]

One possibility: consider doing a study abroad program. Think of it, you can spend a semester to a year overseas, where you can get to know him better and get to meet other men.

I'm guessing your are a sophomore? You would be able to continue vetting him while you pursue your education, and if it doesn't work out, no loss to you, you just come back home to finish your degree here!

Best of luck!

PVW

[HBC]

Junia,

I agree with Ann F and PVW. Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you and your potential mate abroad.

[Felicia]

This is great news!

Just see where this budding romance leads. Let in unfold naturally.

And it's not much of an age difference at all. As you get older you'll realize this.

I HIGHLY recommend European men but then I"m biased. My husband is German and he's a wonderful man, a fantastic father, and excellent provider.

Continue to stay away from that AB crew and enjoy your life. You're good at vetting so if this young man is not "the one" - and only time can tell but things certainly look good so far - you will definitely find him.

Take care, God bless, and continue enjoying your life!

[Beverly]

Wow, this is great. You're going to France? I'm also going to France. I arrive November 6th, maybe we can get together for lunch. I will be staying in Paris.

My move was prompted by (among other reasons) the fact that it's been difficult to find the right man for me in the states. My last relationship did not work out and dates are few and far between. Evia is right, you need to have several guys that you're vetting. Unfortunately that hasn't worked out for me because I don't get many dates. But when I was in France so many men were attracted to me and 90% of the men I date are from Europe. The bottom-line is that I'm getting older and I can't waste my time on the limited number of quality men I've come in contact with here. So Paris, here I come! :-)

[Sandra77]

Beverly, how long will you stay in Paris? And will you be working while you're there? I'm very interested, because I'm thinking of doing the same thing. Thanks.

[Beverly]

Sandra77,

I will be in Paris for an indefinite period of time. I will be working w/ clients via internet while I'm there. If you want to do it, definitely step out there and go. Do you have the type of job you can do from anywhere? I'm a freelance writer so it's a little easier for me to travel.

[Tina]

Beverly, can you give some info about how to start the move? I'm keen to move to Europe too but just don't know about the visa and immigration rules. I am thinking of taking an extended holiday (about 3 months) travelling around, but it would be cool to make the move permanent. Maybe I can look for a job or further study programs whilst there (amongst other things :P).

[Beverly]

Tina,

Are you British? I ask because of your use of words such as "whilst" and "keen" and your spelling. If so, you are a member of the EU and have the legal right to live and work in France. If you're not British or a citizen in another EU nation the rule is different. For Americans you can legally live in France for 3 months. Visit www.americansinfrance.com, they have a lot of information about how to get a visa, living abroad, etc. If you are young, without children or a husband I would suggest that you just go. Don't over plan it. Just approach it as an adventure. But then again my personality is very adventurous and I'm not adverse to taking huge risks. You may be different. Otherwise, studying abroad is probably the easiest option especially if your profession is not portable or you're not highly skilled.

[Sandra77]

Beverly, unfortunately my job is not very portable (I'm an attorney). I speak almost fluent french, but I don't know french civil law and as a non-EU citizen or resident, don't have the right to work in an "official" position. I would truly have to find a more portable and independent means of making a living in order to make the leap to living in Paris. But that's exactly what I'm racking my brain about doing, so where there's a will, there should be a way!

[Evia]

["I speak almost fluent french,"]

Sandra, since you speak almost fluent French, you should, in the interim, spend holidays and vacations in Montreal. Anywhere you go outside of the USA, there is less resistance to interracial relationships. Or you should check out Afrointroductions.com There are lots of Euro men on there and some of them appear legit.

[Sandra77]

Evia, I actually grew up in Toronto - that's where I learned to speak French. And I was a French major/German minor in university. I love Canada, and while I don't rule out Montreal, my strong preference is really to live in Western Europe. I've travelled there before, and I always enjoy the people I meet there, and always have a strong desire to stay or at least come back. And I just like European men, I have to admit!

[Beverly]

Hey Sandra,

Feel free to email me at bevfilm@yahoo.com and we can talk more.

[Sandra77]

Beverly, I will PM you this evening when I get home (I can't access my private email from work). Thanks for giving me your email address - that is really a sweet thing of you to do.

[pioneervalleywoman]

Hi Sandra,

I just went to a luncheon with a colleague who works in an international field. I learned a lot which I can share with the women here who have an interest in going overseas.

As a lawyer, don't let yourself believe that not having the French civil law background will be difficult.

Think of it this way--there are differences between transnational and international law practice. Transnational: trade across borders as an example. International: can entail private or public law practice, criminal to human rights and whatever. Your area of practice might fit in. Neither of these might require you to have a background in French civil law.

Getting even more creative, find out where the international/transnational law practice folks are in your legal community. There are bound to be committees in the local bar association.

I'm not sure whether you still live in Canada. If you are in the U.S., perhaps you might join too, any local French language/culture clubs, like Alliance Francaise (I'm missing the cedille), which I knew from NYC. These attract lots of ex-Pat French speakers who live in a certain community.

[Tina]

Beverly,

Thanks for the information. I was educated in the British educational system so I tend to use British English.

I also speak reasonable French and so am hoping to find employment in a Francophone country.

[Sandra77]

PVW, thanks for your suggestions. I will look into it. I'm in a smaller city in the US right now, so I'm not sure if they'll have the types of groups you mentioned, but I will check. Perhaps I'll have to do a bit of driving to get to those groups in a larger city, but it might be worth the travel. Thanks, again.

[Sandra77]

Evia, I took your suggestion about Afro Introductions. I didn't see anyone "interesting" in France, but I did see a couple of potential interesting guys in Switzerland.

[Lorraine]

Junia,

Mein Deutsch sehr schlecht ist, aber ich kann sagen "Viel Gluck mit du und dein mann." Das ist Fantastisch!

Tschuss,
lorraine

[Melanie]

Nein! Das ist gut Deutsch!

[Ccch]

Hi Sandra
Didn't you get in touch with the contacts I sent you?. I've got a very good friend (Caribbean/Canadian) who lives in Geneva Switzerland, working as a corporate lawyer (she's also married to a German guy and have twin boys!). I'm sure I sent you her details, as well as one of the top-notch lawyers who heads the legal and compliance dept of one of our biggest banks. Let me know.

Otherwise, if anyone's in technology, even though the markets are drying up and it's getting even tougher for non-EC expats, if you're qualified in Oracle or have any banking tech knowledge/experience, I've got a boatload of contacts.

[sistrunkqueen]

Hi Ccch
I am looking for an opportunity to work overseas too. I would like Europe also. I am a librarian and would like to work in Germany, Italy or France. I can speak Spanish.

[zee]

Hello!

Pls can u post the update story or give us another link? The link you have given is dead and i would love to read more about these 2!

thank you.
x