I started this section because I had more thoughts about this topic of the Chris Rock's assault on bw--in his recent special which I wrote about in Parts 1 and 2 on the main site recently. Apparently others had more thoughts too. I was going to just put it to rest because I don’t want a lot of back and forth—with all heat and no light, but I decided to set up this section so that some air clearing can occur. I believe that more comments are going to come in about the topic (re Jeannie's comments) because some bw may still be confused or on the fence about the various underlying issues in this situation. So, in the future, the air will be cleared here and hopefully some will see more light than heat.
This section of the Ezine is necessary because some people read the main section of this site for information and are turned off by negativity and what they consider to be irrelevant aspects of a topic. Whereas, other people believe there is much to be learned in those "irrelevant aspects."
I believe in and support the practice of “Like Minds” coming together. I believe that “like minds” can come together and do great things. Therefore, if I enter a site or camp and find that I don’t agree with the beliefs and perspectives that underpin the site, I leave because we don’t have “like minds.” I know that if I remain there and state my strong views, there’ll be strife. So I leave and find a place where more of the people think similarly to me—especially about critical points. I believe that if a person comes into a camp and continues to argue and disagree with the overwhelming majority of people in that camp, then that person—IMO-- has an underlying motive to subvert that camp.
Jeannie sent in the comment below yesterday which I didn’t post. I’m also posting Mary’s response to Jeannie.
I inititially wrote Jeannie and told her why I wasn’t posting it—to head off lots of back and forth from two camps that are totally in disagreement about this aspect of how bm who denigrate bw should be regarded and handled by bw. When Jeannie wondered why she couldn’t present her opposing views re this aspect, I explained that my site is NOT a debating site. My site presents and represents very particular views and goals—to educate, empower, and uplift BLACK WOMEN. It's a SAFE place to present those views and work on those goals, and we all know there are very few SAFE places for bw to congregate online or offline, places where they can feel comfortable and supported as they talk openly about their honest views regarding relationships with men. When you think about that, you can really understand what oppression means--in practice. So many African American women are greatly oppressed in this regard by none other than the CCBC. In this regard, I would say that 99% of AA women are denied their freedom of speech rights by the CCBC.
I may appear to be singling Jeannie out here, but I’m not. I’m openly explaining this to her AND the numerous people out there who show signs of confusion--whether genuine or not--about me and my sites. So I’m trying to make a very important point about my focus and the purpose of my site—or my reason for doing the Ezine. I’m taking the time out to state this because I hear from many other people who have similar views to those of Jeannie and some of these folks are furious at me because I won’t let them come in and express THEIR dissenting views. My site is not here for those people to express their opposing views or put forth their agenda!!
What part of that is so hard for them to understand? LOL! Democratic party officials don’t go to Republican party affairs expressing their dissenting views and vice versa, so they either don’t go there, stay quiet if they do, or they leave. They know they’re obviously not among "Like Minds."
My position is that the Chris Rocks of the world should be handled by bw with no-mercy. Those people who think that his type need to be educated and forgiven are OPPOSING me and subverting the aim of my site. That is a VERY unlike mindset. So when Jeannie expressed that viewpoint, this is why other commenters expressed strong disagreement.
My virtually exclusive focus here at this Ezine is on educating, empowering and uplifting BLACK WOMEN. If your focus is not exclusively on that, then you are in the wrong place, so if you send in comments that opposes that view in the slightest, either the comment won’t be posted (which is my decision) or if it is, get ready to take heat.
Be aware that it is my decision whether a comment will be posted, but if you don't want a comment posted or featured, do NOT send it in. Also unneccesary inflammatory language and personal attacks against other commenters will be removed from any comment posted here.
(My responses to some of Jeannie's comments are bracketed and in blue below.]
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Jeannie's comment:
{Portion omitted. . . } I'm glad bw are resisting sorry bm, I'm only defending the good black men I know which there are some. [ Jeannie, this is an off-topic comment because my essay re Chris Rock didn't mention "good" black men, so I don't know why you're talking about them. This comment is therefore a 'strawman' tactic. In an actual debate, the moderator would point this out. So if you're going to debate a topic, you MUST stay on the topic. Anytime a debater deliberately pulls the discussion off-topic, s/he is trying to "pull a maneuver" and all good debaters know this.]
I know lots of crappy black men, many in my own family but me trying to help someone is not excusing their behavior. [But what has this got to do with the topic? If YOU want to help someone, why don't YOU go and help them? Why are you here talking to us about helping black men? This sounds like YOUR agenda.] That's me, it doesn't have to be you or anyone else. The Simon Wiesenthal Center tries to help with people they may feel are anti-sematic and maybe willing to confront this defect in their character. They don't excuse the behavior they try to teach the person the history of their struggle, how their behavior adds to the oppression of other Jewish people and that's all I said,[Why are you continuing to stay off topic by talking about Jewish people? LOL!] maybe he knew exactly what he doing and it's damaging effect, maybe he didn't. [We obviously don't agree about this here, so why do you continue to say this IN THIS CAMP? This is a form of AGGRESSION. You're insisting on coming into our camp and pushing your AGENDA, yet you seem surprised that we know this and then you start acting like you don't have a clue as to why people are getting upset.] I have not been indoctrinated, but I keep getting the feeling as I read comments maybe some of you have. Because for some reason besides the author of this website [There is no reason to spare me since I'm openly disagreeing with you] no one here wants to debate, they want to browbeat.
Maybe I'm mistaken, I hope I am. Any time there is a small dissent, people get jumped on called "magical thinkers" "black mammies" and other insulting rhetoric and expect for women to get on board with this. [I termed the coin "magical thinkers," which I think the bulk of AA women are when it comes to bm and the so-called black community. And I'm not trying "to get any women on board" who don't want to come on board. I'm presenting information; a viewpoint that I KNOW will be rejected by many. I'm not trying to 'recruit' anyone and as a matter of fact, I'd mentioned privately to Felicia the other day that I wish that some bw out there wouldn't even read my site because they're in another place and will probably never be ready to leave that place. Therefore reading my site causes them distress.] I like this site and will probably check back in once in awhile but I won't be commenting here. I told everyone I respect that people have differing opinions than mine, that's what being an adult means and I can debate [But we're not here to "debate." This is one of our "safehouses" online where we congregate with other 'Like Minds.'] with you and defend my opinion without insulting you and forcing to agree that everything I say is fact, that's what being an adult means.
We all live different lives in different parts of the country. I live with my white husband in the PNW, maybe it's different up here. I've been dating white guys before it got all political since I was in high school and that's because I like them, we had lots of common, I thought they were cute, they treated me nice but as I said before not one day did I think about black men when I made that decision. This is an absolute exercise in futility and now I'm getting frustrated and starting to insult people myself and I don't like that part of me. You know I may have a different opinion on some other things and I have a group on yahoo and all we do is talk about interracial dating/marriage but everyone over there has respect for other people's opinion. We may be close in opinion on a lot of things but we differ on some. If you give me a good enough argument I can be convinced, but I don't want to be browbeat. Someone earlier in this thread said not to waste time on SBW like me, I'm not single I've been married for 9 years to a wm (I don't know how many times I have repeat that).
That's what I mean someone read the article and just start assuming and assumed wrong which makes an well you know...If more black women date outside their race their will probably be more of us married, maybe bm would get their act together, maybe bm will date and marry non-bw and we'll be rid of their behinds forever. I don't know. But, I question many things including things on here, I don't do blind faith with nothing, sorry. I'm smarter than that, I advocate for WOMEN, all women who are abused because believe or not bw in this country live pretty good. I mean women all around the world, who are not just trying to be insulted and offended everytime someone looks at them wrong, but the women and girls who are made into slaves, sex and labor, those are that are killed because a girl is a burden, those that are having their private parts mutilated, and those that are prostituted by their families for food. It's bigger for me with women than just finding a suitable mate, even though that is extremely important, it's just in the big picture there's other stuff going on. At least for me, I'll say it again this is Ms. Evia's calling, her purpose she's darn good at it and effective and she will be changing a lot of black women's lives for the better and she can be proud of that.
But, I also have a calling with women just a different one, we play on the same team just different roles that's all, different roles. I hope the resistance is spreading to, resistance to exploitation, killing, maiming, abuse, being talked down to and talked about, taken for granted, please ladies let's resistant this crap and help each other resist it. I know the purpose of this site is not speak to all the woes of women around the world [You are VERY correct. The purpose of my site has been stated repeatedly.] but I wanted to clarify what I do because no women should be forced to think she needs a man to do anything, if you want one get one but you don't need one. [You are still off-topic, and Jeannie, it's annoying to me when I start talking about oranges and you start talking about orangutans. I would like for people to stay on topic and IF you want to talk about your agenda or something else, and especially anything opposing the views and perspectives on this site, then this is NOT the place for it. Once again: this is not a debating site.]
Mary replies:
Ms. Jeannie, the last thing I want to do is to be rude to you in anyway, but it gets under my skin when women such as yourself sit by and tell us women that we’re taking this too seriously, us women that are working to change the world (on your behalf, btw). It reminds me of the stories about black slaves that were okay with slavery and tried to pacify other slaves to be good. It reminds me of black women that were/are against black feminism, that we should just accept things the way they are. It just irks me when people sit by and discourage those who are actually trying to do something, especially with the holier than thou attitude.
I just don’t get it, when did bw begin adopting this polyana attitude. No other group of women, not asian, not Hispanic and certainly not white, would sit there and laugh while they’re being told how undesirable they are. they would not be laughing at being told that they’re jealous of other women. they would not be laughing at being told that other women are more desirable than they are. And worst, being told all this in front of the whole world. So no, we on this blog are not crazy, we that are against Chris Rock are not crazy or uppity, cause you know what, a MAJORITY of the women in this world would not be laughing at such nonsense being directed towards them. •
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