© 2009 by Eve Sharon Moore
For as far back as I can recall, I've always thought globally. I grew up in a rural, southern community in the United States, but my family was engaged globally, or at least they thought and talked of things that were far removed from the farming community where I lived during my formative years. I started taking French in the 6th grade. I can remember being so excited! My French teacher was a short, black man, who I fell in love with instantly. Whenever I talked about him at home, I must've been drooling because the women in the family would give me these stern looks and my grandmother absolutely refused to let me participate in any evening school activities, just in the case the French teacher was lusting after her little granddaughter. Silly me was definitely lusting after him. For sure! LOL!!
People have asked me how could I, growing up in a backwater rural farming community, have believed I could be a person of the world, when even black girls who grew up in places like NYC apparently thought their world was very limited and narrow. I think I mostly got the global impression from the way family members talked. Different uncles, aunts, and older cousins of mine were always coming home from far off places. They were doing things out in the big, wide world. So it became normal and natural for me to believe that I, too, was going to be a part of that world. These relatives tended to talk about life in a worldly way, and it seemed that they'd all travelled to far off places and lived there for long periods of time--either to work, for education, for the military, or due to marriage. They left things of a global nature lying around our (their mother's house where I lived)--like magazines, odd art objects, books, clothes, and the wide variety of music albums they played.
I became more and more familiar with a worldwide stage whenever any of my relatives came home to visit my grandmother and talked about foreign things and brought her anything of a foreign nature. It was so
exciting to hear them talk of far off people and places. I fell in
love with "outside" places, people, and things. I always knew that I
belonged to that other world, outside.
One of my male cousins left his copy of "Lady Chatterly's Lover" by D.H. Lawrence in a trunk that was stored in a back room. I found it and since reading was always extremely easy for me, I read it from cover to cover when I was eight. Whew! That book blew my little head off! I got a complete erotic education from that book! LOL! He also deposited his large variety of jazz albums of jazz artists including Dave Brubeck, Dizzy Gil lespie, Stan Getz and a bunch of others. I listened to these albums although I always preferred Blues artists like Muddy Waters whose music had originated in the Mississippi bayou, not too far away from where I lived. My father also loved playing blues music on his old guitar whenever he was in the mood, so I developed a preference for Blues and then later, R&B, during my teen years. This has morphed into my love now for all forms of just plain old "good" music.
Via my childhood experiences and various others, my world was incredibly enlarged at a relatively young age. I felt strongly that it was natural for me to strive to occupy a place on the world stage. Naturally, I pursued the study of other cultures and languages when I attended college, and my background also set the stage for me to feel comfortable mingling with other cultures and dating and marrying men who were not African American.
In this section of my Ezine, I will present the stories, accounts, profiles of various others including AA women who are inclined towards stepping onto the world stage for love and other life-enhancing options. The relationships I will focus on here are the type where males who are the products of other black cultures enter into with AA women. There are numerous Quality black males in the United States who have been mostly shaped by these other black cultures and many of these men are not only receptive but desirous of a loving connection with a suitable and compatible AA woman.
As usual, the caveat is that ALL people must be vetted as to their suitability to have in your life. Males from other black cultures who are not American citizens must be screened because some of them may be interested in AA woman simply because it's easier for them to secure permanent residence in the U.S. if they're married to an American black woman. That's the so-called "green card" relationship. This applies to ***ALL*** males who are not American citizens--not just black males.
That being said, green card suitors are NOT always or even usually the case when a "foreign" male expresses interest in a woman. It's important to be careful but remember that while "a closed hand doesn't let anything OUT; it doesn't let anything IN either."
For ex., my first husband, a Nigerian man made it clear to me that he was wooing me for marriage (if the relationship was successful) when I was in my early twenties and he already had his green card years before we met. If I'd been overly suspicious of him, I would have never dated him. I didn't express my "curiosity"--LOL!--in his green card until maybe the third or so time we went out.
My marriage to my ex didn't last forever and ever, but I'm a much better person now for having spent those years with him, and we're still good friends. I think it's important for African American women to include black men of other cultures also in their broadened pool of men. Of course, NO relationship is ***guaranteed*** to succeed between any two people, but it certainly expands the pool of prospective mates for any AA woman to realize that there's a world full of QUALITY black men beyond these shores and many of them (shaped by those other culture) are right here on these shores.
It is critical to keep in mind that I'm not just talking about so-called "foreign" bm. I'm also talking about black men who may have been raised even in this country by either one or both parents who were foreign (their other parent may be American). Many of those parents have done a good job of instilling the IMPORTANT cultural ways of manhood from their respective foreign cultures into their black sons. Many of these sons have spent large portions of their lives largely in a non-AA cultural socialization group in the United States where they have had proper manhood modeled for them by these other black men. These are THIRD CULTURE black men. "Third culture" is NOT the same as third world culture. It "refers to someone who, as a child, has spent a significant period of time in one or more culture(s) other than his or her own, thus integrating elements of those cultures and their own birth culture, into a third culture". Please read the wikipedia definition. These bm have much more in common with others like them and those who are compatible with them, than they have with either of their parent's cultures.
Also, let me further specify that I'm not talking about ALL sons of black immigrants. After all, many sons of black immigrants are hard core ABCs or members of what I refer to as the "Acting Black Crew"--that group of genocidal African Americans (AAs) who exemplify the worst behavior caricatures of American blacks. It's very important to understand the distinction between 3rd culture black men and other immigrant black men. BIG difference!
I'm MAINLY talking about those black men who have one parent who was raised in the indigenous cultural ways of Africans from Africa or very similar origins. Let me stress that at least ONE parent of the 3rd culture bm must have been raised in Africa or has transmitted the pillars of African cultural ways to the son/daughter in order for the child to be considered a 3rd culture child.
Most of the 3rd culture bm are males from parents of African immigrants because those parents originated in an indigenous continental African culture. I know of many of these young 3rd culture bm because of my marriage to a Nigerian and due to me socializing almost completely with continental Africans (not just Nigerians) during those years. I "lived" that culture as much as any non-born and bred African can live it. I studied it. I immersed myself in their cultural ways. I tried to learn the language. I still have blood relatives who live in the west African cultural milieu. Many of those 3rd culture sons are now grown young men. They are American citizens.They are mostly all very productive bm, college grads, motivated to start businesses or go on to professional school, get married, and have families. Many of them can be identified by their continental African surnames.
Getting married and having children have been instilled in them as NECESSARY in order to complete the cycle and in order to continue themselves and their bloodline of their group into the future. In other words, marriage and family are not just an option for these males; it's a NECESSITY for their destiny because it has been instilled in them that they are responsible for their group's destiny. It's REQUIRED of them. They know they've come from many other African men who've done the same. It's a continuation of how they started thousands of years ago, and their group's continuation, survival, and uplift mean EVERYTHING to these males.
Unlike among African Americans, the focus and responsibility for their ethnic group's survival is placed mostly on the MALES. This is mainly taught to the male children by their fathers, but reinforced by their mothers and EVERYONE in their extended family and social circle from that background and similar ones. This shaping or training starts in the very early days with the young male born to any African parent from this type of cultural background. The male is responsible for the group's surviving and thriving and the African male child is never allowed to be mistaken about that or to forget it. His identity depends on this. Even at his christening, older people talk about his role to the newborn babe! He is treated as a vitally important link between the past and future. He is treasured. He has an important role to play.
If these males do not assume this role and do their utmost to contribute to their particular group's surviving and thriving into the future, they are considered ***useless*** by others in the group. These males are not respected by other males among them or females, no matter how many degrees, lofty credentials, and no matter how much money they may have. This is because an African person is conditioned to be a part of an extended family group AND an ethnic group. It is instilled in them that they are nothing alone. There is wide range flexibility, but for all practical purposes, you do not even exist if you're not performing your role and/or contributing to the group. Not only does such a male pay a very high price of being considered useless and invisible, but his family members are also stigmatized.
Suffice it to say that many of these young black 3rd culture males are in the United States now. They are young adults, and they seek wives of similar values though not particularly of the same background as theirs. They ARE looking for compatibility. I'll stress again that--these males are not what many people consider "African" men or "American" men. For the most part, they have NORMAL, regular, mainstream values and behavior. They are 3rd culture black men. They tend to prefer intelligent, educated, women with more traditional leanings (NOT "servile" types of women), and while they may have flings with other women, many of these males prefer for their wives to be black since a black woman will much more easily fit into their extended family structure.
As I said above, there is variation. This does NOT mean that all of them fit this profile perfectly, however the majority of them lean much more in this direction. Remember that "family" is very important to a man who is a true "African" because "FAMILY" is one of the main pillars of the "African" psyche and culture and actually the civilization of any group. This has always been the case. Therefore, these African descended 3rd culture males seek women who are more family-oriented or women who will more easily mesh well with their families. In other words, they do not expect for their wives to be "runners and fetchers," but they're also NOT interested in women who are doing "their own thing." The 3rd culture black man is well prepared emotionally, socially, and financially inclined to perform the protector and provider role for his wife and family since this is how he has been socialized.
I will be presenting some profiles of these 3rd culture men here. AA women, let's discuss this category of men if you're interested in this type of black man. Remember, these 3rd culture bm may look, sound, dress, talk, and "outwardly" appear to be the same as other bm in the U.S., but their mindset is often refreshingly different.
Disclaimer: What I've said above about Africa, African cultural ways, 3rd culture bm, etc. DOES NOT apply to ALL of them. Please realize that I KNOW that ALL of no group of people can be fit into any ONE category.
Recent Comments